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Title: What She Left Behind 1/3
Author: Michelle
Email: mrsdrake@sff.net
Date: July 2004
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Summary: Giles deals with Buffy’s death and return
Setting: End of season 5 and beginning of season 6
Feedback: I love it, want it, and need it.
Website: http://www.geocities.com/dragonlover_4ever
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it. Just tell me where to find it.
Disclaimer: These are not my characters. They belong to Joss, Twentieth Century Fox, UPN, WB & Mutant Enemy. This is purely for fun.

Author’s note: This is a backup fic for the Allthejellies Angstathon. It will be either two or three parts when complete.
My assignment was:
1. lj/name: aaronlisa
2. season: Post season 5/Early season 6
3. rating: (If you want a NC-17 rating then you must have a season 3 (post-birthday)requirement or higher.) any rating is fine
4. 1 thing you don't want: (This is something that you don't want in the fic written for you...like slash, Riley, etc.) No Riley
5. 3 things you do want: Giles copes with Buffy's death and then return due to the spell in Bargaining

* * * * * * * * * * *

Giles watched helplessly as Buffy fell to the ground. He ran to her, knowing it would be too late to save her, but hoping anyway. Tears streamed down his face as he reached her, feeling for a pulse and finding none. “Buffy, no,” he cried. He took her into his arms and rocked back and forth. When he reached up to stroke her hair, she crumbled to dust in his arms.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Giles sat up in bed soaked with sweat. He looked at the clock. 8:30 a.m. This was the first time in several days he’d woken up this early. Something must have woken him. He debated going back to sleep, when he heard someone knocking on the door. Throwing on his robe, he made his way downstairs and opened the door. A delivery man stood waiting with a large package.

“Rupert Giles?” the man asked.


“Sign here, please.”

Giles signed where indicated, took the box and mumbled a thank you before closing the door. He looked at the writing on the package and almost dropped it. It was Buffy’s handwriting. “This can’t be real.”

It was several hours later when he finally opened the package. Several items were inside buried amongst the packing materials, and each one had belonged to Buffy. There were several pictures, a few crosses, and Mr. Pointy. A videotape was at the bottom of the box. The label simply said “for Giles.”

* * * * * * * * * * *

Before the final battle with Glory, Buffy, Xander, and Willow had given Giles a VCR. He’d thought it odd at the time. Buffy had only said that since he had done so much for them, they wanted to thank him with a gift. Along with the VCR, they had given him several movies, none of which had been watched.

Now it all made sense. She wanted him to be able to watch this tape after she was gone.

He put the tape into the player and pushed play before sitting on the couch. He waited to hear what she would have to say to him.

Buffy sat on her bed with Mr. Gordo in her lap. “Giles, don’t freak out on me, and don’t stop the tape.”

‘I should stop the tape,’ Giles thought. ‘I shouldn’t put myself through this.’

“There are things I need to tell you, and I know I can’t do it face to face.”

‘I wish you would have talked to me,’ he told her silently.

“I’m sorry I overreacted when we talked about Dawn. I do understand why you said those things, and I know you would do anything to save the world. I’d like to believe I would, too.”

‘But you did save the world, Buffy. You always do.’

“I will do everything I can to stop Glory and save Dawn. I know that may not be possible, but I have to try.”

Buffy picked up Mr. Gordo and held him close. “I may not live through this, and I need to tell you some things, just in case.”

Giles tried to hold back his tears as he listened to her.

“We’ve been through so much over the last five years. You’ve helped me save the world more than once. We’ve come to work as a team.”

She laughed a little. “Listen to me. I’m starting to sound like you.” Looking away, she took a deep breath before speaking again. “I know you think I’m letting my feelings for Dawn get in the way of my duty. You think I won’t be able to make the tough decisions because of that. You’re right.”

Giles was surprised by her admission, and found himself smiling through his tears.

“I’ve known that all along, but I was afraid to admit it. I don’t like the idea that the whole world could end up in Hell because I want to save my sister.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks now. “I may have a way to still save Dawn. If you’re watching this, you already know what I did. I know I should tell you, but I can’t. You tell me to separate my feelings from my duty, but I don’t think you would be able to do that yourself. I can’t let you save my life if it means letting Dawn die. I promised to protect her, and I will.”

“I’ve always known I would die young. I’ve already cheated death once. I can’t do it again. I’m sorry. I love you, and I know how much this will hurt you. But it’s what I have to do. I’m the Slayer. I have to do this. I’m sorry.”

Giles couldn’t believe what he’d heard. He ran the tape back to be certain.

“I love you, and I know how much this will hurt you. But it’s what I have to do. I’m the Slayer. I have to do this. I’m sorry.”

‘She loved me? Why didn’t she ever tell me?’

* * * * * * * * * * *
continued in part 2
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